Your Best Birth By Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein

I must admit that when this book first came out, it took me a while to get up the urge to read it. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED their film ‘The Business of Being Born”. Phenomenal movie. So, I really can’t say why I didn’t rush out and get this book. Perhaps I was a little worn out from birth books as I have read quite a lot. I wasn’t sure how this book would be different or what it would bring to the table. Well, now after reading it, I can say that it does bring a lot to the table. It was a great book! I feel this book reaches out to women, perhaps even a different type of woman than who typically reads books on birth. This is a good book for anyone to read actually.

I am a huge advocate of natural childbirth and homebirth, so I read a lot of those types of births. This book is not necessarily about that, which is why it can appeal to a more diverse group of women. This book is different in that it is meant to educate women regarding their choices in a truly informed way known as “informed consent”. This information should be available from hospitals and physicians, though women do not usually get the full picture from these sources, and that is precisely where this book fits in. I can see how this book would truly be an eye opener for many women who were not previously interested in this topic.

Well written and thought provoking; it is not a difficult read. Don’t skip over the foreword by Jacques Moritz M.D, or the preface. Both these sections contain very interesting info worth reading. Near the end of the preface, a wonderful point is made by Abby Epstein. She states “birth is the perfect introduction into motherhood. It is unpredictable; you can plan and dream, but in the end, your baby may have a different idea.” I found this very insightful because it is true. Birth is not predictable and may not happen exactly how a woman would like, but motherhood isn’t really predictable either, so therefore, birth is exactly what a woman needs to experience when becoming a mother.

At the end of the introduction, there is a great summary of the intentions of this book, which I wholeheartedly agree with. “This book is not intended to lecture you on the way you should probably have your baby, but it is about helping you overcome your fears, the pressures, and the fads, and ultimately allowing you to have an empowering and beautiful experience to share with your family. This book will serve as a reminder that giving birth is something that women instinctually know how to do, and that you can tap into your own innate sense of power to take back the birth experience.” What’s not to like about that? If you’ve read the giving birth section on our website, you’ll notice that a lot of that sounds exactly like something I would say.

Another part I liked is at the very beginning of the book as well in a section entitled Know Your Options. It basically gives a depiction of a typical hospital birth experience. Having worked as a labor and delivery nurse, I can say that they are quite accurate, which I found absolutely refreshing. Many people feel safer in the hospital and have their baby there for all the “what ifs”. It seems that far too many women, however, have no idea what the hospital experience is like, and unless you’ve done your research, you get kind of a shock once you get there. And if the things they describe during their scenario are things that you want, more power to you, but the point is to be informed and have choices! That’s all women are asking for.

In addition to the hospital scenario, this section also gives a tale of a typical birth in the Netherlands. The Netherlands have very good birth outcomes and a great maternity care system. I love how this story was included.

A great point is made in the first chapter that points out something very important about birth. “When most other mammals give birth, they retreat to dark, private, protected places where they can labor in peace and safety. (Think of dogs and cats going under the bed to have their litters.) Americans go to the bright lights, bustle, chaos, and strangers of the hospital. We might rationally believe that the hospital is a safe place because, if disaster strikes, there are professionals and equipment to save mom and baby, but our mammalian brain may believe otherwise.” Beautifully stated.

This book is so full of great points. “Birth is portrayed as an out of body experience.” Isn’t this so true? Women are typically out of touch with their bodies. Birth feels surreal, especially when it is numbed with anesthesia. This has a lasting effect! This is why I am such an advocate for natural childbirth! I have never felt more alive than during my labor. I have absolutely never felt such an intensity and power within my own body that it is impossible not to feel empowered after a natural experience such as this. I didn’t know I had anything so strong inside my own body! My senses were so heightened with such an awareness, and there is no question that is was real. It’s amazing.

“If you ask women who have had C-sections why they did so, most will say that something was wrong with them.” I love this statement because it is so true! This is exactly what is wrong with birth in our country in that women think there is something wrong with them. This propels fear! There is nothing wrong with women, and babies are not growing so big these days that women just can’t push them out. This is so unbelievably false. Women are designed by our very nature to give birth. It is a beautiful design. I love that this book picked up on this fundamental problem.

Another great point from the book: “Almost all research on this subject shows that anything other than an unmedicated birth impacts the rate of breastfeeding, the success of establishing breastfeeding, and the duration.” Wow! That’s profound. Research like this puts things into a lot different of a perspective. This is why it is so important to be informed. Any type of pain medication, whether it is the epidural or not, can affect breastfeeding. This does not necessarily equate to breastfeeding being ruined or impossible from one dose of Stadol. Certainly not, however, medications are not benign. It is amazing to think that choosing an epidural on a whim during labor when you’re having difficulty focusing on making decision in the first place could impact something, even severely, for the next entire year. I feel many women who experienced breastfeeding relationships that were difficult because of the way it started out following labor would have tried to stick it out without an epidural if they truly knew how breastfeeding could be impacted. It is important to realize in the intensity of the moment at the end of labor, it is very easy to break down and get the epidural, and it is certainly difficult to understand anything in the long term at that particular time. Labor is fairly short in the grand scheme of life. It’s sad that such a short time could affect something for so long into the future.

Something I really liked about this book is the way it is written. I think it will appeal to a great many women as it reads very easily and states facts in a nonjudgmental, nonaggressive way. It is informing and enlightening without being too medical or technical, which makes it easy to follow. I can also say that the information presented is quite correct.

There was one aspect though that I feel compelled to address. In a box on page 133, there is an option presented as a drug free way to induce. I feel it is a little misleading, and I would just like to offer my personal experience. The option presented is a cervical balloon, more commonly called a foley bulb. It is a balloon of sorts that is inserted into the vaginal and past the cervix, then filled with saline. The bulb then exerts force against the cervix and once it falls out, technically the woman would then be dilated 3-4 cm. There are a lot of problems with foley bulbs, and personally many nurses feel they are barbaric. Many hospitals don’t even use them. The foley bulb applies a force against the cervix because the woman or the nurse tugs on it about every 15 minutes. It basically manually stretches the cervix. It gives false hope because even if you are then dilated 4 cm, you are not in labor. Some practitioner’s feel it can kick start a woman’s labor. In rare cases, I have seen this happen. But for the majority of women, this is not the case. If you are dilated that far, you may never actually get into active labor and 24 hours later, your doctor may be in your room talking about why you need a Cesarean section because you’re just not dilating. Well no kidding if you are not in labor. Foley bulbs are almost always in my experience used in conjunction with a lessened dose of Pitocin and when the foley bulb falls out, the Pitocin dose begins to increase. Foley bulbs are also almost always inserted before the woman has an epidural, and for many women is quite uncomfortable when placed. I personally am not for foley bulbs. Though I don’t like inductions, and I don’t like medication, it has been my experience that foley bulbs do not present a very good alternative, which is unfortunate. All the foley bulb does is pull and tug and force the cervix open. It does not make contractions happen, and it does not make the cervix soft or ripe, which means it is ready for labor. It also does not bring the baby’s head down lower into the birth canal as contractions do, so that the baby’s head can exert pressure on the cervix and cause it to dilate. The foley bulb presents quite a few problems, ad personally I would refuse it if I were to be induced unless all the other possible alternatives had been exhausted.

I really did enjoy this book, and my differing experience with foley bulbs is really the only thing in this book that I didn’t agree with. I absolutely loved the chapter about bonding with your baby. It was fantastic. My biggest issue is the maternal fetal separation that happens in hospitals, and I feel this book did a phenomenal job addressing this. Separating a baby from its mother immediately upon being born makes me madder than a hornet! Since the book puts some things so well, I am just going to include a few quotes from that chapter.

“The poor defenseless baby gets pulled out into the glaring lights of the delivery room, rubbed with rough towels, jostled onto the table, and generally treated as if he were unable to feel what is being done to him. It’s the very definition of a rude awakening.” This is amazingly accurate. Many people do not realize that babies are fully aware and present for their birth. I feel the hospital staff may not realize this because most women in the hospital opt for epidurals, which in turn makes babies come out groggy, and most have their eyes closed. I didn’t actually understand that babies are very much present until after I looked at my very alert daughter after our natural birth. Nothing could be more convincing to me than seeing her big eyes look up at me. She was absolutely aware.

“The reason it’s important for the baby to be attached to you… is that during those precious first moments after birth, you are forming a bond that will sustain you during the difficult first months of caring for the baby.” Yep, that bonding is actually a complex process of hormones that need not be disturbed. Mothers and babies need to be bonded. This doesn’t mean that if for circumstances out of your control you may not get to see and bond with your baby right away that your won’t ever bond with your baby, and you will certainly still love your baby, but many women report bonding being much more difficult if that first bonding period is interrupted.

Okay and the epilogue has some great quotes as well, though the whole thing is absolutely worth reading!

“The recurring story we hear over and over is from the woman who realized after her first birth that she needed to be much more informed and proactive for the second one. Many times this second birth is an opportunity for personal growth and often heals the psychological wounds from the first one.” This is so beautifully put. I can personally attest to this. Oh what I wish I had known for my first, and at the same time, I feel so thankful to have learned a lot before my second.

“Many parents are starting to understand that the birth of their child is something that can be ‘taken away’ from them. It takes a lot of research and guidance to make sure you are with providers who will respect your family’s birth plan.” It is sad that this is so. It is time we take back our births and make them empowering, not regretful.

“Today there is a sad disconnect between a ‘safe’ birth and ‘empowered’ birth, as if you needed to give up one to achieve the other.”
There are many other great things said in the epilogue. I highly recommend reading it.

All in all, this book took me by surprise. I must say I am quite impressed. It has quickly come to the top of my list for recommended reading. Wow to Ricki and Abby.