The Whole Parent by Debra Wesselmann

I cannot say enough good things about this book. I loved it! I can’t think of one parent that couldn’t benefit from this book. The main premise of this book deals with healing yourself as a parent from difficulties previously in your life to move on to become a terrific parent today. I would go even farther and say that this book is for all parents since none of us are perfect.

What I enjoyed the most about this book was the discussion of attachment. Since I am big on attachment parenting, it was nice to read about the theories in regards to attachment. I was amazed by how much information and explanation was contained in this book.

The next few sections deal with ghosts from your past and managing tough emotions. Basically, myths in parental thinking are examined in depth. It is so refreshing to examine oneself to grow as a person, and also to realize how your behaviors affect your children.

I also appreciated the author’s discussion on how to teach your children to manage their emotions. The book discusses being a holding environment for your child to help them manage their tough emotions. This information is strikingly different than other advice out there such as to ignore your toddler when they are throwing a tantrum to teach them that they won’t get attention for it. The premise in this book is that when a toddler is experiencing strong emotions, it can be scary for them because they do not yet know how to regulate their emotions. It’s important for the parent to stay with the child throughout their strong emotions. This also promotes a securer attachment. The book describes this advice well, and the information resonated in my soul.

There is also information in the book on touch and how important it is. Parents with a difficult past may be somewhat uncomfortable with touch. All of this is explored in depth. It’s so important to remember how much children need loving touch. In our busy society, it is easy to forget to give affection to our children in the form of touch. This is compounded by being a very materialistic society. That’s why I love the advice in the book of holding time, which is basically just cuddle time. It’s about making it a point to hold and cuddle your child. A good time is before bed. I think this comes very naturally when children are small, however, it is important not to forget that older children need this just as much. The book recommends to do holding time for as long as the child will allow it, often even to age 12 or beyond. There are also ways to connect with and show love to a teenager that no longer thinks it’s cool to cuddle. I found this information so refreshing. To some people, it may seem like common sense, but to other parents that struggle with inner demons and are working hard to overcome them, I would say this book is right on track.

This book is a must read for any parent that wants to be a good one.